S**t I’ve Written (on Facebook):
- San Francisco is F**ked! Brooklynization!
2. I’m the only one at Subway getting a 6”!
3. I hate Chelski! Damned (Manchester) United! United Airlines ($500 for peanuts and stale cheese — about the Red Carpet Club)! Peter Thiel!
4. My PhD thesis in a nutshell: “Tables and trees and basically the same thing”
5. Lenders makes a tasty (frozen) bagel
6. CEOs should go to jail (VW)!
7. Some things aren’t as good as they used to be (e.g., Man from U.N.C.L.E. TV Series)
8. Uber: “Three less than ideal uber experiences in a row: over solicitous driver almost crashes through garage door forgetting to put car in reverse; next driver accepts ride but calls me to cancel since my destination isn’t on his way home; third driver phases out at stop light sitting and facing a green for 30 seconds. You may hate taxi drivers, but they are licensed and at least had to take some kind of test before being allowed to pick you up. Wondering about the experience and judgement of my last few uber drivers. Limits to scale?” Uber: the crack cocaine of transportation — now that you’ve hooked me and squashed the competition, how come everytime I want you now, it is surge 2x+ pricing? I think an economist would have known this was going to happen …
9. Stanford sucks for everything (Schadenfreude! Stanford B-School Dean Scandal) (the Stanford Period: .com)
10. El Niño! =:-O
11. Only in Singapore: Dr. Who Oxygenated Water!
12. Faculty Meeting Bingo! “”Enrollment is up” “Budget cuts” “Someone is texting” “General sense of doom””
13. Thank you Lord Jesus for President Trump!
14. On being in the expert witness protection program: What’s worse than being locked in a room with a zombie? Being locked in a room for three days with three attorneys working on an expert witness invalidity report. What’s worse than that? Being locked in a room for three days with three attorneys working on an expert witness invalidity report just before a three day weekend (Labor Day)!
15. China! Beware!
16. Idiocracy! Best movie ever!
17. Samurai movies! Shintaro Katzu as Zatoichi!
18. Star Trek (not Star Wars)! Trekee not Treker. Big Bang Theory!
19. Life is to short for dull socks!
20. In the absence of a destination, all winds look favorable.
21. So will you head up the faculty recruiting committee?” “Nah, I’m too old for that.” “How about the Grad Admissions committee?” “I’m too old for that.” “How about the Faculty Awards Committee?” “I’m not old enough for that!”
22. Stating the obvious: “The Girl Next Door: The Effect of Opposite Gender
Friends on High School Achievement,” By Andrew J. Hill
23. British cars: Oil leaks out while water leaks in. Lucas, Lord of Darkness: A gentleman does not go motoring after dark. “”But part of the Land Rover’s charm has always been its stubborn defiance of user-friendliness and customer comfort. It appeals to the sort of doughty people who revel in dust and cold, fugged-up windows, the jarring pain of every bump, and the need for the dexterity of a card sharp combined with the strength of a poker-bender to engage the low range of the four-wheel drive system.”
24. It used to be that 99% of my emails were spam I never wanted. Now 99% are Black Friday sales I somehow opted in for. How did email turn into an advertising media?
25. Department of War vs. Department of Defense
26. SF Giants! Willie HOWARD Mays = Randy HOWARD Katz
27. Singapore!
28. “My specialty is being right when other people are wrong.”
29. I hate SF busses!
30. Symposium … A Greek drinks party
31. Proof that God does not really love us: the mosquito …
32. Grade inflation!
33. Wow! Apache Spark is hot! (Reference to data analytical software)
34. You’re not special: In a survey in 1976, people ranked being famous 15th out 16 possible life goals. By 2007, 51% of young people said it was one of their principal ambitions. … On a recent multiple-choice quiz, nearly twice as many middle-school girls said they would rather be a celebrity’s personal assistant than the president of Harvard University.
35. Move the wifi base station 3 inches and rotate it 90 degrees and suddenly bandwidth at the far end of the house goes x3. Marconi has a lot to answer for!
36. Walking Dead: So if all it takes to stop zombies is a jet from a fire hose, can mankind be saved by issuing power washers to the living?
37. Fitbit: A full washer cycle is the equivalent of approximately 4000 steps. You can guess how I know this.
38. 2014 World Series: Jobu needs rum, cigars, and chicken legs. Very angry tonight.
39. Pet Peeves for the Day (Special Place in Hell Division):
1. On BART, putting your feet on the seats. Suspend upside down in dirty water for eternity.
2. On BART, standing on the platform in front of the doors and pushing into the car before the people inside get off. Tie to a rock facing up towards a water cascading down from a waterfall for eternity.
3. On BART, take up two seats by lying across them, spreading your legs wide, and/or loading up the adjacent seat with your junk or bike. Buckle in via very tight seatbelt into the smallest airline seat found in Hell, for eternity.
4. On campus, no student bothers to put out the effort to open a door on their own. So imagine approaching a double door, which you open to pass through, while the person on the other side, rather than open the door they are facing, steps through the one you just opened for yourself (usually almost knocking you down in the process). Trapped forever in one of those double set of inside/outside doors that once you pass through, you can’t figure out how to open the other side.
5. Person on cell phone walking on street not looking up and expecting that the world will get out of their way. A pair of blackout lens eyeglasses permanently affixed to their head so they can’t see which they are going for the rest of eternity.
40. (On University Politics): In the Game of Thrones, I think I died yesterday.
41. You know you are getting old when … you consistently forget things at home. Today it was the cell phone. I now need a preflight check list before leaving the house.
42. “This may be perilous!” “Excellent!”
43. “The optimist thinks this is the best of all possible worlds. The pessimist fears it is true.”
44. “You don’t know who is swimming naked until the tide goes out.” — Warren Buffett
45. CNNews … pronounced “SNOOZE.” I just made that up!
46. Marveling at the number of near-death experiences I have had, usually involving vehicles. Life really is random.
47. The difference between irony and sarcasm: If your students don’t get it, it is irony; if they do, it is sarcasm.
48. I agree with Dr. Johnson: “Claret is the liquor for boys; port for men; but he who aspires to be a hero must drink brandy.”
49. I think that maybe Moonday, July 21, 1969, was a colossal waste of money … but the money would have likely been spent in some other colossally wasteful way.
50. I’m pondering the question, gentleman or player?
51. “A liberal is a conservative who has served time in jail.”
52. If red-eye flights were an Olympic event, I would have a shot at medaling.
